This was a letter I wrote to the creative director of a theatre company called 'ZenZenZo' (Oooh I know luvvy) in exasperation after another trawl through the derisory offers for work:
Lynne,
I saw your advert on Seek for a company manager.
You're offering something like $22.50 an hour for this person. Someone who drives a forklift can get $22.50 an hour.
Are you aware that minimum wage for someone that lays carpet tiles at the exhibition centre is circa $18.60 an hour?
So for an extra $3.90 before tax, you want:
A dedicated arts worker who is passionate and enthusiastic, has integrity and loyalty and is committed to excellence, experienced in coordination, and able to project manage multiple projects within a 'tight budgetary' (yer think?) and logistical framework. This person is also an excellent administrator with exceptional attention to detail, a skilful communicator and team player with strong public relations and negotiation skills (hopefully not in the salary department though eh?) Not only that, but they also have a strong knowledge of and interest in the arts and education sectors, and as if that were not enough, you also 'desire' that they can throw together your graphics, hang up a marketing campaign, draw up a contract or two and work on the budgets.
Altogether (if my attention to detail isn't too painful for you) that makes circa 20 selection criteria. If you divide that by the $3.90 an hour you're prepared to pay for it, that makes 19.5 cents for each one.
So let me see...
as director, choreographer, performer, artistic director and actor trainer you'd be on about ...er $19.60 or so I suppose?
Perhaps you should add peanut feeder to your list of jobs - for the monkey that you'll be getting. Man you're tighter than a fat lass in an economy seat!
I wish you luck with it!
Chris Martin
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